How to Help Someone Who is Abusive

If you have a friend or loved one using abusive behaviors toward their partner or ex, it’s likely important to talk to them about it, especially if your friend values your opinion.

But how do you do that? There’s a lot to consider that comes before the actual conversation.

Read more about what is needed to learn and reflect on before you actually ask to talk to your friend.

  1. Learn about abusive behaviors, power and control, and warning signs of abuse
  2. Reflect on what you expect to happen and what supports you have for yourself
  3. Understand important things to avoid in these conversations, such as arguing, victim-blaming, and putting yourself in harm’s way
  4. Ask to have a conversation in private (if it’s safe to do so)
  5. Provide resources
  6. Seek support for yourself before, during, and after the conversation

Resources

  • Call the A Call For Change Helpline to get support in how to talk to your friend from 8 a.m. – 8 p.m. MT daily at 877-898-3411. People who use abusive behaviors seeking support in how to have healthier relationships are also encouraged to call.
  • Find a DVOMB-approved treatment provider in Colorado. These providers are trained in helping a person change their abusive behaviors. Click here for a list of treatment providers who accept self-referrals (no court mandate or external referral required).